clara's reality

School should be perhaps one of the best place for a child, the place a child will spent more good times with friends before adulthood, so I don’t get it if you want to live school before you even finish high school, where do you want to be ? ,

I remember my school days I had so much fun, my break times would be at the play ground with other children , we in different groups playing very interesting games, but you will make sure you only associate yourselves with your ‘kind’ . But with me I was everywhere with everyone.

There will be a group that will think they better than other kids, fortunately for me I would always be on the their team not by choice though. I would be chosen to be on the group. I never like to be with those people, in fact I was never around them but where never they come around my group they wouldn’t touch me. even though I never liked how they treat other children, unfortunately there was nothing I could do . But the good thing was some of those kids they knew how to protect themselves.

I wanted to be on all sport activity even though I didn’t know much about netball , I still wanted to play netball. But was never chosen, for good reason of course so cheer leading was just as fun as being on the play ground. I had fun cheer leading. Than there was school choir, yes I was there too. To all competition the school entered I was there and won. School was my the life for me. I had all the fun, even though there was no lunch box or lunch money. The good thing was I eat before I live home for school and when I come back, it never bothered me much.

Today when I hear or saw a child just walking around the street during school time I just don’t understand it, You prefer to waist you time doing nothing all day every day . Unless there is some explanation. No child should be cheated school not even for any reason. Children knows nothing even though they will behave like they do, so they need a parent to guide them to what they think they know and go school. As they say ‘give children education is the key to liberation.

Some say ‘ask no question, hear no lies’ true if you didn’t ask anything especially that is non of your business you wouldn’t be hearing any lies. But than if you don’t ask and just assume things you still be told ‘you should have ask instead of just assuming’, confusing.

A girlfriend of mine more of a colleague we normally talk about absolutely everything from children, family, men women and just life. But from no where she asking ‘Miss V what would you do if your husband is cheating?’ first of all I’m not married and she is. You know when your grandmother, aunt or your mom or just old people say if you married than you can’t be friends with unmarried women ,well I don’t take it. It sound like some kind of descrimination like unmarried people are dirty or something,

But than when I was asked what will I do when I find out that “my husband” is cheating? I posed a little because I know my honest response might not be nice to hear. At my age I see and understand husbands differently than I would have 15 years ago, it’s like I’ve been there done that issue even though I haven’t, so my answer was not quiet honest or sound insulting. But also she was just being that friend that always want us to tackle certain issues about staff, Normally I actually be saved by the “bell” (when the phone ring) and I would run off. You want to hear the truth don’t ask, don’t assume or assume you don’t know and ask. But if it’s your good friend than you shall laugh about the truth that you think you being told.

I only knew I had a mother little late in life, was still a child like 7 yrs I can’t remember the 1st day I saw a person called father. Unfortunately for me and my sisters and a brother there were only in our lives casually. Till today people in my life will be surprised when I mention word mother especially father, because I would never talk about them, there is nothing much to say, we don’t really know each other very well, yes we love each other I’m very fond of my parents but there is no day where I will sit with my mother and talk about staff, yes I will crack a joke from here and there but that’s it, my job is to make sure they safe and attend to their needs, so I always wonder what is like to have a relationship with your mother like what I would hear people raving about is it even important, or is it even important for me to know my biological father, is he even important, would my life be different if I was raised by my parents, this is the reason:

At a very young age before grade 1 I saw myself in a place where it was dark ,yes there was sun but it was still dark no rain or cloud. Unfortunately I didn’t even know where was I or from.I didn’t knew who were my parents, sisters or brothers, but we were three at the bus station this man accompanying, me and the other girl I didn’t know who she was. later in days I learn was my sister.

When the man left us somewhere and show us where we suppose to go up the mountain the house after the mountain its “home”. Life was horrible those people didn’t like us, the woman that was suppose to be our granny was actually a drunk who lives early in the morning and comes back in the evening drunk. And we all alone in her house. Than my sister told me of a car that always comes by every Sunday that we will escape it when no one is looking but that Sunday it never came.

But than one night while sleeping these other people threw stones at us we didn’t know why, but that was the last time our granny drinks like that. She left that morning as usual but came back early and told us to take our staff we living for the new house. She completely change she continue drinking but not as she used to. When she lives every morning she will cook for us than go to her “peace job’ I didn’t like it to work for her peers, but that was her only way of income, she had no one even though she had children, 2 daughters who were married and 2 sons but nobody supported her financially since her husband passed. Unfortunately she didn’t have ID book to apply for social grant.

She will never come home empty handed, every time she comes back she has something to eat, she will fix something for us to eat and never wanted us to bunk school,( by the way she never went to school) but she somehow knew the importance of taking a child to school.

She told us so many horrifying, fun, dramatic stories, she was fun herself, the stories were actually lessons, till today I still refer today’s happenings to her stories, the quotes, and everything else. What a great woman. Pity, I never knew she won’t be in my life forever. She didn’t have to take care of us the way she didn’t we were not even blood related. God put us all together because we all didn’t have anyone, we all we had and we took care of each other very well. Only if she was still around for my children, who I actually took care of since the moment I realize that I was having them……

We should never give up on love. we all wants to be loved either family,by your children, by your friends , or by your husband. Now its is not fair when that love has to come with conditions like, you can love a person more because of the good things the person is doing for you, you can love a person more because the person is there for you very time you need someone, you can love a person more because is good person or because is a God fearing person or because financially stable, there are just many reasons why people fall in love or thinking they are in love. or we just wants to be on someone’s company, we just don’t wanna be alone, we wants someone to share our love with, share life with.

In any other relationship, couples faces with lots challenges whether you are married or perhaps you not married yet or you don’t want to get married, you comfortable with just being a couple in love no marriage. In any challenge you face in a relationship you need to remember it’s not just one’s problem it is your problem that you need to face together as a couple, tell your business that you going through at that moment to your partner and see if you can face it all together.

What is a perfect match? it should be someone that you have same interest with, someone who loves same things as you do, someone who is willing to compromise, someone of your beliefs , someone who is easy to talk too, an honest person, one you can trust, one whose got your back. Does even perfect have anything to do with anything, here is the thing what is it that attracts us or what interest us to another person to begin with, that leads us to even fall in love with each other, and say you will wanna marry or get married to one day, As we go on with our love, taking care of things in our relationships, we make love we buying gifts, go out with friends , celebrates birthdays or any kind of celebrations with families too. Good times, bad times were here for each other.

In all of this what does love got to do with anything, We believe that true love ask for nothing[George Michael} as you accepting a person as they are, if it was for love as we always tell each other how much we love each other , even promise each other heaven on earth . Than why we keep on hurting each other in worse possible way, all in the name of love.

All he ever wanted was a partner that is gonna love him regardless of his flows, why women always want men to be exactly as they want, why does she want to dress him up the way she like him to be , she wants to change him, she wants to him to go to the same church as she does, change how he laugh, “baby you can’t laugh with an open mouth” “love what my friends will say with those sneakers” “what kind of friends you keeping” ” the things that you do doesn’t go with my status, my profession, my beliefs”. as I was saying about a perfect match, she wants to create a perfect person for herself, someone who fits perfectly in her world, I mean who doesn’t want perfection. It doesn’t always work.

Well he might given in to your’demands’ because the man love his woman , this is love we compromise 🙄or perhaps women just don’t get it, let men be what the men created themselves to be , if the man comes tomorrow and say he wants to marry another woman let him be, in other countries men do practice polygamy and ‘its fine’, he just has to ask a permission from the 1st wife if he can take a second wife if she refuse, well she just gave him a permission to continue cheating. Because I think polygamy its just a way of man feeding to some of his behavior, or a permit to cheat on his woman, he must have that other woman beside the one he loves because he’s given in to love, the woman must do the same thing , its all in the name of love , forget the vows it was just a procedure that happens when people gets married in the church. Woman love that man with all the baggage he brings, if not who you gonna love, almost all men are the same(so we always say, might not be the truth though. but this is what they’ve been portraying)

Remember the baggage that is brought to a woman its not just cheating, in love we compromise, we tolerate, love each others flows, take each other as you are , if you live this man , remember no one wants to be alone, as long as he love you or tells you that he love you, you will be alright, any kind of abuse in between, there is love. what do we want you to do, just submit to your man, if we keep on arguing about how men should treat women there would be no ‘ love’, no marriages , no relationship, nobody wants that. W e love to be love , to be taken care off, to be cherished, to be touched , kissed , make love, just to have someone to wake up next to every morning, why would anyone wanna give up on that.

If we could understand why our marriages fail, why our relationship fail, why other people they still not married at their age or why they don’t want to get married, it seems as love has nothing to do with our behavior, it is how we created ourselves to be, we fall in love than love should conquer all, but instead we permits ourselves whatever that we want to be at the end of the day missing on what love should be and everyone should be OK about it , that is our definition of love. Yes you’ve been married for 20 years now perhaps, but its wasn’t really what you both expected to be, you missed out in all the happiness love should have brought you, you gave in to ‘love’ that wasn’t for you. some they couldn’t give in to what they call nonsense. They ran and never look back.

Its true some of us still want to get married, we not giving up on love nor giving in to nonsense that comes with love regardless of what people who are married or not married anymore are saying about the whole thing. We wanna be people married in love or people who love love. Love will conquer.

That’s what most of us thinks, here I was at the party with couple of friends, all is going well, the food, , the people, the drinks and just the vibe, Girlfriends came with boyfriends, wives with husbands, single ladies and gents are here too, we all just enjoying ourselves.

What surprises me was that men who came with their partners are more interested to just ‘getting down” with wrong people, I don’t understand why is he interested in her instead of his partner, well this happens all the time even though I still don’t get it.,( even this old man who saw one guy kissing the woman that he knew that she’s staying with boyfriend, who was not at the party, he than went up straight and slap this guy in a face when he was asked why did he do that for) , he replied”that is someone else’s wife. People just laugh because they used to .

I got tired so I went and sit down and was joined by couple of girls, one of the ladies was telling me how abusive her boyfriend is especially physically. Than she showed us scars in her body specifically on the neck where she said he was trying to strangle her, this happens every time they have an argument, I didn’t know how to react or say something to this, so I asked her if are they really in love with each other if they are, why don’t they sit down and talk about this ,the love ,the abuse, work, money ,about everything that can help him to understand her to make their relationship better,

But what I actually wanted to tell her was to live this guy, she doesn’t deserve this , she is smarter that this,and has her whole life to live , for her and for her child( who is not this guy’s child) . But as she continues telling the story I realize that she wasn’t gonna live this guy, perhaps someday. Not sure if she’s fine with this or the fact that she’s got a boyfriend.

Story of my life🙄, here is the thing I heard so many nasty .dangerous, humiliating stories from this ladies, people that I know who are in a very physical. emotional, financially, or any other kind of abuse. But they live as if this is normal all in the name of love. But the scripture says love is patient, love is kind, love is not angered easily, it protects, it always trust, always hoes, love is not rude, love is not self-seeking, love never fails., unfortunately husbands/boyfriends uses love to hurt their wives/girlfriends, and girlfriends/wives uses love to cover the abuse or the hurt they getting from their partners.

Perhaps it s just me who don’t understand love and its dynamics, perhaps that’s how things should be. Its sad though when I see my beautiful, bubble, smart women letting those men to treat them like that and make them believe that their behavior is acceptable ,that they can not live without them, and can not be told what to do, or never make them change. Women should just let men do what men does .. it is what it is.

Cheers🎉 to all men who loves, respects, trust, protect, cherish, and honor their women. not all is lost.

Love, we all love love…. or is it, if we even know what love is or how is love suppose to feel. maybe what is love got to do with anything? Yes we all heard love conquers all, even the bible insist more on love.

Yes our brothers and sister have fallen in love with each other hoping for everlasting love ,Phew!!! here we go.. things changes as quick as lightning…its so late 2 am the brother is not back in the house ,he’s out with friends ALL NIGHT the sister is all alone like a good wife she expected to be ,she should be fine with it I mean he is the “man” my girl all man are like that. As long as he comes back home to you that’s all that matters.

What is she complaining about he supports her financial, the fancy car, nice big house , the kids to expensive schools, he does absolute everything for her, besides why would he stay home with her the whole time when there young beautiful gal from work just to take for drink after work little bit of fun, she doesn’t have flabby tummy or wears too much make up or too much cellulite.

He’s actually disgusted with her all of a sudden,,,,, she’s not good enough anymore. Sometimes it get physical because she’s asking too many questions, his whereabouts, she ‘ll be questioning his love for her, … she’s got too much questions and he really gets annoyed with the whole whining, he gets irritated now he might start beating her, Because he wants to do what he wants and no questions.

When she tells someone or family she would be told to be patient ….where would she finds a man who doesn’t cheat, she will be told about him holding high position in a big firm, he’s educated , he goes to church, from well known good family. so she should persevere like all other women who have been bitten up by their men and just be quiet and act like a good woman that you suppose to be, you are a woman you should respect that brother regardless, you are the reason he is beating you.

Shame, Women. and it wouldn’t even matter if she too o is financially stable, can maitain herself financially, or beatiful with a beautiful heart, WHO CARES, because she is a woman she should listen to her boyfriend or husband , she’s not allowed to stand up for herself if she does she will be called by names even by other women will have something negative to say ,

If a woman stand her ground this would be said, “that’s why her boyfriend or husband beats her up”, or” that’s why he speaks to her like that”, if she’s divorced it will be” that’s why her husband divorced her”, if she’s not married it will be ‘that’s why she doesn’t have a man”. There is always something nasty that has to be said about that wife or girlfriend’s behavior.

Now here is the thing while that boyfriend or husband making himself famous around to the receptionist from work, or debtors clerk from accounts or catching up with an old flame ,he’s not just collecting fame but illnesses too, the faithful wife or girlfriend can or will be infected with some sexual illnesses just for being good person ,she can get killed if she tries to live him for this or any other reason if he doesn’t want her too,

We’ve seen and heard the abuse that gets very ugly, our sisters gets killed brutally, got terminal illnesses while we all watching, all we can say is what was she thinking ,’she thought she was “the wife or girlfriend”, or even her money can’t save her , the man will show you’ (while laughing behind her back) . but its actually bigger than that, its dangerous than that. no one cares. but its up to you individually to step out of line, and value yourself, know your worth, you don’t deserve that, step out of line does not mean look for a fling to fill the void ,

some ladies will solve the problem by finding somebody else on the side, side dish someone who will pay attention to you’ even though she still love that abusive husband or boyfriend , I heard that’s build your relationship stronger if you cheat too , Yes he spent more time with his peeps and comes back very late but you love him so much , step out of the line, live while you can.

Lets talk about this , as women lets help each other on how to handle this kind of situation .

remember your happiness comes first.

Well, with everything that is happening in the society or among us . I feel like that there is a need to share our different experience with certain issues that affect us on daily basis perhaps with that we can be able to help each other on how to deal with those issues, unlike dealing with them alone which might still cause us lot of stress, maybe even depress or just respond to the issues wrongly…….

That is what we will be sharing on my next post…..

Love, we all love love…. or is it, if we even know what love is or how is love suppose to feel. maybe what is love got to do with anything? Yes we all heard love conquers all, even the bible insist more on love.

Yes our brothers and sister have fallen in love with each other hoping for everlasting love ,Pheew!!! here we go.. things changes as quick as lightning…its so late 2 am the brother is not back in the house ,he’s out with friends ALL NIGHT the sister is all alone like a good wife she expected to be ,she should be fine with it I mean he is the “man” my girl all man are like that. As long as he comes back home to you that’s all that matters.

What are you complaining about he supports you financial, the fancy car, nice big house , the kids to expensive schools, he does absolute everything for you, besides why would he stay home with you the whole time when there young beautiful honey from work just for drink after work, she doesn’t have flabby tummy or wears too much make up or too much cellulite. H’es actually disgusted with her all of a sudden, she’s not good enough anymore. Sometimes it get physical because she’s asking too many questions, his whereabouts, ‘don’t you love me anymore’ now beats her for always ‘winning’ and questions ..

When she tells someone or family she would be told to be patient where would she finds a man who doesn’t cheat, a man who is holding high position in a big firm, an educated man who goes to church, from well known good family. so she should persevere like all other women who have been bitten up by their men and just be quiet and act like a good woman that you suppose to be, you are a woman you should respect that brother regardless, you are the reason he is beating you.

Shame, Women. who cares if she’s an executive of a big company, or is financially stable, or she also has fancy car, she can afford to buy herself a big car, well educated, beautiful, have a good heart, WHO CARES, she is a woman she should listen to her boyfriend/husband , she’s not allowed to stand up for herself if she does she will be called by names even by other women will have something negative to say ,

If a woman stand her ground this would be said, “that’s why her boyfriend/husband beats her up”, or” that’s why he speaks to her like that”,if she’s divorced it will be” that’s why her husband divorced her”, if she’s not married it will be that’s why she doesn’t have a man”. There is always something nasty that has to be said about that wife or girlfriend’s behavior.

Now here is the thing while that boyfriend/husband making himself famous around to the receptionist from work,debtors clerk from accounts or catching up with an old flame ,he’s not just collecting fame but illnesses too, the faithful wife/girlfriend is infected with an STi for being good person ,she can get killed if she tries to live him for this or any other reason if he doesn’t want her too, we’ve seen and heard the abuse that gets very ugly our sisters gets killed brutally, got terminal illnesses while we all watching, all we can say is what was she thinking ,’she thought she was the wise one , or too beautiful or educated , or even her money can’t save her ,the man will show you’ (while laughing behind her back) . but its actually bigger than that, its dangerous than that. no one cares. but its up to you individually to step out of line, and value yourself, know your worth, you don’t deserve that, when i say step out of line am not saying look for a fling to fill the void , no no no, some ladies will solve the problem by finding a Concubine, side dish someone who will pay attention to you’ even though she still love that abusive husband/boyfriend , I heard that’s build your relationship stronger if you cheat too , find someone who will make you happy financially if your man is kinda broke you still love too, if he has money and you love him too but doesn’t give the happiness you need, step out of line and find that “happiness”. Yes he spent more time with his peeps and comes back very late but you love him so much , step out of line go out too with someone who enjoys your company you will be back home soon before he’s back.

No, that’s not stepping out of line, yes we have made all of this a norm, you don’t want to step out of line because it will get better, everyone is doing it , it our reality ..our norm. its been happening since the old days. It is what it is…right………